[1655] Flesh Fly, part 2

Hi all, This is a rewrite of a much more violent chapter in my novel that my editor said would be way too much for most readers. Multiple incarnations of it have been posted here since I stated this project. I know the beginning is probably jarring, but there was no good place to split it in half. There's aren't really any scene breaks. Also, this is chapter 20 of the book, so by now, characters, etc have already been introduced.

For context: Jeremy is the main character, he is 17. He lives with his martial arts teacher Dave, who is in his 30s. They have this father/son relationship even though they aren't related at all. Dave has a drug problem, and he's been doing increasingly shady things to feed his addiction. Part one is still up, and still pretty close to the top of the sub if anyone wants to read it to see what led them here. I don't expect a full crit for both parts. But it's there for more context.

My work: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1KQk_mXErbGRwnRjSJ8MnRKpuYPedE22lhKz4YKP6Dzs/edit?usp=sharing

Thanks in advance.

Critique: https://old.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/1hdyghs/2123_casino/m3v4fa9/