[2051] Never Forfeit Again

Hello! I'm a newish writer and have been trying to get into writing more this holiday break. This work is a fanfic I wrote for the Honkai Star Rail fandom. It doesn't need any knowledge of the game or characters as it is a modern AU.

Some questions:

There's something that just feels off to me about this piece, and I'm not sure what.

- Do any parts feel strange/clunky?

- How is the pacing of the piece?

- How is the character development?

I am very grateful for any feedback!

My work

Crits:

[2123] Casino