[2550] Untitled -- Chapter One

Looking for general feedback for the opening chapter to my WIP novel.

Piece to review:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1UusvCQu_iZeFdteuFYyo_oghRowssLeHhQijP0gifoo/edit?usp=sharing

Critiques:

https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/1htfqz2/845_cant_be_whistled_away/

https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/1hu7vp2/2173_nevilles_bad_day/