[2827] Rust in the Veins

I tried my hand at writing something completely different from what I normally write, and thought it turned out pretty decent. Would be interested in some different viewpoints, things to improve upon etc. No need to mince your words, be as blunt as you like.

Rust in the Veins

Critiques:

[1819] Talking to People (short story)

[495] Frank's New Place

[1776] Second Chance

[1765] - Land of the Really Free

I hope that's enough to cover it with the extra requirements for longer pieces. If not, let me know and I'll do a couple more and repost it.