I don’t know what to do, I just need support

For context : I moved out of state to be with my husband last year, and I still have no support , family or friends here. It’s just my husband.

My husband admitted to me last year that he has a PA. At first I thought everything was going to be okay and work out, but I am not so sure anymore

It’s the lying for me, I have literally asked him multiple times “when was the last time you engaged in watching it?” And he lies so effortlessly to my face because “he doesn’t want to hurt me” yet I STILL find out the truth.

Last night , he openly admitted that he had caved in and watched it the previous night. I was handling the conversation with grace … until I asked him AGAIN, “be honest with me please, has it really been a year since you watched it before this time?” And of course, he finally admits he lied to me and has watched it numerous times, even with me being home , just in a different room.

I don’t know what to do, I have no one here. I want to fly home for a while but have no job to support that financially. I feel confused and hopeless. He is saying he wants to change and is dedicated, even joining two groups at Church supporting this PA. He even openly admitted it , which is huge because he has been hiding, but I’m still hurting.

But I see all of the horror stories on Reddit, and I just feel hopeless, like he won’t recover based on what I read. I am so lost and confused right now. It’s 5:30am and I haven’t slept. I feel so taken advantage of, for my kindness and grace. I feel stupid for always feeling like it’s my fault he isn’t initiating sex with me, and now it’s become clear it’s probably bc he’s just always pleasing himself. I got up and changed my whole life to be here with him and now I just wonder if I made a huge mistake.

I just feel lost and I want to have hope for this marriage and I want to be able to trust him ..