Constant criticism in childhood changes you

As much as you learned to let it roll off your back, it still takes a toll. Perhaps you will recognize youself in some or many of these (mal)adaptive patterns:

Low self-esteem, distorted self-image, if people like you it means your defects are just well-hidden. Indecision, indecision, can’t be sure! You always need ‘more information’, suspecting there are hidden traps, caveats to every choice. The corollary: Fear of commitment, resisting projects, events, and relationships; procrastination, can’t get started, fear of failure or more disappointment. What-if’s. Lack of confidence, constant comparison to others, chronic self-questioning, thinking the ‘right way’ must be something else. Checking with others, hesitancy, approval seeking, setting unattainable standards or letting others set standards which you inflate beyond fulfillment. Over-sensitized ( understandably) to any criticism however mild or well-intended. Either reacting with anger and hostile rejection; or, accepting full condemnation with the ‘proof’ of your inadequacy. Second guessing yourself, never good enough, not accepting compliments or praise because only criticism resonates with you. Perfectionism, risk aversion, take no chances, trust no one else, trust yourself even less. Always ‘becoming’.. but never arriving, never feeling complete, enough or satisfied. All of this comes from a toxic ‘inner monologue’ that belongs to another time, another place, and other people.

The messages from your parents became internalized, as they do for all of us. Some short term therapy is always beneficial in sourcing these patterns of self-torment. Don’t be surprised if there is more going on than a toxic script you internalized. Critical patents are also noted for being controlling, punitive, rejecting, unloving, and abusive. Please look into in it. You deserve better in your adult life.