Why can’t I figure out the next steps in this relationship? What am I supposed to do?

Sorry in advance if this post is a little messy, I’m just trying to get my thoughts out, they might not be coherent.

In September I (26f) started a very casual relationship with this guy (26m). We met on an app and had decided to meet up with the intention to have a casual sexual relationship. We tried to establish boundaries that first night. He said he might eventually be open to more or seeing where things go, but I said I wasn’t interested in anything romantic at the time.

As we got closer and it turned into more of a fwb type situation. The last month or so, we’ve been doing more romantic/date activities. He asks me to be his +1 to parties, takes me to dinner and pays for my food, and this past weekend he surprised me with tickets to a play. The sex has also gotten a lot more emotionally intimate than it was before.

I’ve definitely developed a bit of a crush, and I find myself doing things more often to try and get his attention or impress him. The issue is, whenever I try to be emotionally vulnerable or open, he doesn’t really reciprocate. And it’s so hard to be open like that, it always feels so devastating when he doesn’t reciprocate it or really acknowledge it. He will flirt with me one day and talk about stuff we can do in the future, and then friendzones me the next day. While we do sometimes go out and do things, we always use my apartment for sex and never his (I don’t even know where he lives). I even offered to go over to his a few times and he always brushed it off and said no. But he has a key to my building (not my apartment though). He spends the night with me some weekends. We don’t follow each other on social media (I don’t even know what his account is). Now that I’m thinking about it, I don’t even think I’ve ever heard him say my name. But he’s smart and funny and so nice to me. Sometimes I feel like I’m at his beck and call, and other times he just gives me so much attention and focuses on me so much.

And yet I still feel so attached to him. I start crying when I think about letting him go or ending our relationship.

I genuinely can’t tell if he sees me as anything more than a friend he fucks around with. I don’t know if he likes me and he’s trying to be respectful of that initial boundary I set, or if he’s completely not interested. And I don’t even know if a relationship would work. He is poly, and I don’t know if I am. I also haven’t been brave enough to ask him if he’s seeing other people, and he hasn’t brought it up, so I have no idea if he has other partners (sexual or otherwise). (And yes I know this isn’t really the safest thing when I’m having sex with him, but I test regularly.)

I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m frozen. I’m too scared to ask him how he feels, and I’m too scared to end it. So I just end up doing nothing. I feel like I have to have him around. But I also know I’m probably keeping him at arms length more of the time. It makes in kind of understandable he does the same to me I guess. I’m just getting so tired. I know my fucked up attachment style is making everything worse. I feel like if I was normal I’d know what to do and how to handle it and maybe he would want me more. Everything just feels like it’s my fault and like I fucked up somehow and I don’t know how to fix it.