do i matter?

do i really matter? to others? like, if i killed myself or disappeared for months, people would actually care? to be more specific, friends and family would care? as in, those people that i have met in my life and gotten to know, but for one reason or another, they have decided to cut me off? is there a reason theyve decided to do that? because of vague ideas within themselves that hold me to an impossible standard? that i am just a mistake? that i am worthless? would they even care? how long have they thought without me? when i am weeks and weeks into thinking of my existence and my little worth, have they even pondered about me despite me thinking about them? is this all i will be for the future? somebody that constantly ponders as to what those that they themselves cared about, yet those that they are thinking about never did the same as well?