Trying hard not to spiral.

Good morning everyone, if it’s morning where you are. I thought I was doing good and for some reason that made me believe that me spiraling wouldn’t happen anymore. I really don’t know why I thought that as my therapist hasn’t said I’m in remission.

Well yesterday my SO got a text from an ex that they would frequently talk about. I only know because they told me they got a text from this ex. I sat quietly for a while till I asked “so are you keeping the text or deleting it?” Only to get an answer of “I’m just going to ignore it”

Me first thought is why not just delete it if you’re not going to respond?! So you can have her number saved? So when you’re not around me you can text her back? I don’t know how to get that out of my head. That as soon as my SO isn’t around me they will jump on the chance to text the ex back. Because I’m not good enough. Because they don’t really love me. Because she’s much prettier than I ever will be.

This has been my thought process all night since being told about it. I keep randomly breaking down crying over this. It really deeply bothers me that he won’t delete the text. Why?!

I’m feeling not good enough all over again. Like I’m not worth loving. I’m not enough for anyone to just want me and be happy with just me. I don’t know how to rethink this and stop from hurting over a text?! I get to a lot of people this is such a small stupid thing to be upset over, I just don’t know how to tell my brain to stop?

All I keep thinking is “if he responds to this text and I find out I can’t be with him. I won’t be with him. This is why I could absolutely never ever date someone who stays in touch with exs.