I told my husband I’m not sure what I believe anymore

I told my husband last night I’m not sure what I believe anymore. We moved to South Carolina last year. I (26f) was born without religion, my husband (26) was born into Christianity. When we met, I was into crystals and spirituality and it wasn’t an issue at the time. But after a while of dating, I decided to try becoming Christian.

After being in South Carolina for a year, we have been heavy into church, groups, church events, etc. We grew very close to God. I swore I felt God’s presence, He was speaking to me, I felt the “high” during worship, etc. But I always had a lingering fear in the back of my mind, “How do we actually know God is real?”

I would be scared of evolution videos because they made sense and they have evidence, afraid of debates arguing against God, etc. I was afraid of finding out something that disproved or made God seem unreal.

Well I got over that fear, and started watching all the videos and ended up confused and unsure of where I stand anymore. I wanted to believe so bad, but now I just feel like it was all fake. I made myself believe all of this, etc. Church would gaslight me and tell me it’s the devil, whenever I had questions.

So last night, after weeks of feeling afraid of opening up about this, I told my husband I’m questioning and unsure. He didn’t even check in with me emotionally, but started hounding me with questions, like why did I watch those videos, what am I going to do to strengthen my faith, etc. He then ended up telling me he doesn’t know if he can stay with me because he feels like he has to choose me or God. I never asked him to do that. He told me he has to seek “wise council” to figure out what to do.

I feel so betrayed. I have stayed with him through the MOST. He has a porn addiction, a lust problem of checking out girls, anger issues, I mean I stayed through ALOT. He has been working on it, but I could’ve left so long ago. But the second I say I’m questioning or confused, he’s ready to end it all? He says he doesn’t want to lose me, but he can’t guarantee he will stay. WTF?

I am so heartbroken and depressed. I don’t know what to do or feel. I cannot believe this. What do I do? Do I give him time? Is this not worth it? I need advice