I wish I hated you…

If I hated you, Maybe I could breathe again. Maybe I’d sleep though the night, Without your name echoing, In the cracks of my mind.

But I don’t, And no matter how much it hurts, I won’t.

Because to hate you would mean, That none of it mattered. That the late night talks, The laughter, The quiet moments where we felt, Like the only two people in the world, Meant nothing.

And I can’t lie to myself like that. Not even to make the pain go away.

To hate you would be easier, Than walking through the memories, That used to feel like home. Easier than sitting in silence, Where your voice used to dance.

But it would be a betrayal, Of what we had. Of who we were. Of how hard we tried.

So no, I dont hate you. I just miss you, In a way that still knocks the wind out of me. And honestly, I don’t know if that will ever stop.

Because the truth is, I still love you. Not in the same way maybe, Not in a way that asks for anything in return, But in a way a fire leaves its warmth, Even after it burns out.

I love you in the silence now. In the stillness. In the space where your name used to live, But no longer belongs.

And even if time dulls the ache, Even if I find the remnants of peace one day, I’ll still love you. Always. Even if it’s from far away, Even if it just gets in the way, I’ll never hate you.