[1479] Train

Hello, this is my first time posting and first time sharing work publicly. This is a short story I wrote as writing exercise that I ended up being quite proud of. Would love feedback on overall prose and voice. One of the things I struggle with when writing is making things interesting and still make sense. Would also like any other feedback you may have. I am trying to get comfortable with having people read my work as it is not something I normally share.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1HdZSiILbqeRZCp_E96manFevWnFvu08yjJ0jkE93ltM/edit?usp=sharing

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Crits:

Crit 1 1676

Crit 2 263

(please let me know if my crits are long enough, I am very new to giving feedback to people