My mom constantly shames me for who I date and it’s starting to mess with my self-worth. Am I unreasonable for feeling this way?

I’m 20 and still live at home. I’ve recently started reconnecting with someone I’ve known for 4 years—we’ve always had a strong emotional connection, and things between us have gotten more intimate lately. He makes me feel safe, seen, and cared for, even if things aren’t fully defined right now. That emotional connection means a lot to me.

The problem is… my mom constantly criticizes who I date. Last night, I went to a park to hang out with this guy. We talked, connected, and it was meaningful to me. But when I got home, she called and said things like, “Why are you letting a boy take you to a park? Be better to yourself.” She told me unless he takes me on a real date like dinner or something that costs money, I’m not allowed to take my car to see him again.

She’s said things like this before with other guys I’ve dated—if they don’t spend money on me or take me out somewhere “worthy,” she sees them as bums or not good enough for me. And every time she says it, it makes me feel like I’m not good enough unless I’m being spoiled or dating someone with status. But I’ve never cared about money or flashy dates—I care about emotional depth, safety, and mutual care. I don’t think someone has to throw money around to prove they care.

She says she just wants better for me and doesn’t want me being used. I get that. But it also feels like she’s projecting her own past onto me—like maybe because her 20s were different, she can’t accept mine looking any different.

The emotional weight of her disapproval is getting heavy. It makes me want to hide who I date and lie about where I’m going just to avoid the lectures. And even when she’s kind of right, she says it in ways that leave me feeling ashamed or small.

So I guess I’m asking: Has anyone else gone through something like this? Am I being unreasonable for being okay with quiet, simple, emotionally safe relationships—even if they don’t involve traditional “date night” stuff? How do I balance respecting myself and staying true to what feels meaningful for me?