Who are the "Incels"?

Who are the "incels"? The notion that anyone is involuntarily celibate in the Western world is farfetched, because we still have prostitution (there also used to be something called a "pity fuck" in my youth, but this doesn't seem to exist anymore). The real involuntary celibates are youth in conservative Muslim societies who face severe penalties for premarital sex.

I decided to do an experiment: I found a subreddit for discussion about incels, and posted a query: I asked the incels to report on whether they had ever engaged in 3 common behaviors used by normal people to make friends or get dates. You can read the entire conversation here: [How many of you (incels) have tried to do any of the (see below) following? : r/DebateIncelz](https://www.reddit.com/r/DebateIncelz/comments/1mih68h/how_many_of_you_incels_have_tried_to_do_any_of/) Had they ever chatted up someone in a bar, initiated contact with a neighbor by being helpful, or used social media to reconnect to old classmates?

What I discovered is that members of the "incel" community have corrupted values and are obsessed with sex, power, hierarchies and physical appearance, are paranoid, and have a victim identification that makes them feel so hopeless they consider suicide. They project their corrupted values, such as obsessions with appearance and status rankings, onto other people, leading to a distorted view of others and of interpersonal relations. This exacerbates their victim identification and suicidality. We should be worried, because suicidality is linked to other forms of violence in men, and incel identification appears to be on the rise.

Responses to my post included comments that older women are "hags," even older men can't have sex with younger women unless they pay them, people are only attracted based on physical appearance. The incels also believe that misogynists are popular with women. This would certainly be news to most women I know. This view represents the projection of the corrupted values of inceldom--women don't care who someone is, they only care what the man looks like and maybe his financial status. Those are the values of the incels, not of most women.

While frequently referring to themselves as "ugly," the incels sometimes admitted that they had no interest in sex with a woman who didn't meet their standards. Is this involuntary celibacy?

Paranoia came out in several responses stating that the police would be called if they offered cookies to a neighbor.

A lack of interest in other people was projected onto others. Several respondees were sure that former classmates would not want to hear from them and that social approaches would be met with disdain. This may look like low self-esteem, and it is, but most people who only have low self esteem profess fear of personal rejection, not a general belief that social initiation is not welcomed. The incels seemed puzzled by what most people would call friendliness.

The over-valuation of physical appearance, power and status, a tendency to rank and compare others based on these values, paranoia and a belief that one is unfairly persecuted are all commonly found in people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I now believe this may be the most common disorder in people who identify as incels. Previously, I had thought it might be Autism Spectrum Disorder, and I still think many incels probably have ASD. There are also those who have a nonspecific developmental arrest that leads them to have difficulty with adult social behaviors such as initiating and maintaining conversational dialogue, use of humor and flirting.

We are facing a scary scenario with the growth of the incel community. We've already seen mass murders by several self-professed incels. What can be done? Social media fuels the distortions by providing an echo chamber. I applaud whoever started the subreddit I posted my queries on, because it allows for the challenging of the distorted views. But what's causing the increase in NPD and ASD? Social media does not actually cause mental illness. Genetic damage is likely being caused by the trend in late parenting, and possibly also by the toxins in our environment and food. We need more discussion and research on these factors.