Screaming to the sky

I sit at work, a new job I love, but my eyes still tear up. Nothing has ever felt fulfilling in my entire life. I reflect on all of the beautiful opportunities I've had to live and love, and how every single time I've lost it. I blame myself most often. I've never seen the world the same as most of the people around me. I love too much. Care too much. Think too much. And honestly I think this is the closest I've ever been to just giving up. Living is so hard for me. Making anyone else understand has been impossible. This is the hardest part of things being hard ... Not having anyone I fully connect with or who even attempts to understand. I felt like she was my soulmate. We understood each other in a way I fear I'll never experience again. That was the family I had always dreamed of. How did I lose it so fast? I miss her and the kids every day and I know everyone has moved on except me. I feel so lost and so stuck with no one. It's been almost three years since I left and it hasn't changed a bit. I can't seem to heal. Taking any advice or friendly conversation. I feel like I'm sincerely giving up