Weathering despair

I'm probably bipolar, but I'm in denial of that due to stigma and not wishing to be written off as a basket case. My lows are really low and I feel hopeless during those moments.

I'm seeing all of the right professionals, and even found a therapist I really like. He suggested meditation last December and I can say that I have done it daily each day this year. It has been a good habit to establish.

I have had good days and bad days with focus. I struggle with suicidal thoughts (passively) and they can be quite unsettling to the point where I categorize them as intrusive thoughts. I know the goal is to observe the thought and let it pass, but someones that dark cloud doesn't want to budge and it can lady for hours and even days. I know every thought will eventually pass, but I can only find so much encouragement in that when I feel like I'm drowning.

Does anyone else have experience with this and what have you found helpful?