Binge Drinker? I want to hear your stories

So 200 days ago today I posted for the first time and followed through with check in and reading posts for almost a month.

Background story I work in the yachting industry. Alcohol, drugs, bars, partying is glamorised hugely! We work long hours, in high pressure, lack of sleep and constantly surrounded by people.

So when drop off day comes to drop off guests everyone heads straight to the bars to let off all the built up steam. The boat I was only last year I was able to do stints of sobriety a lot easier than the one I’m currently on. Probably because it is a charter boat so I am under more pressure.

The last 3 drop offs, I have absolutely sent it benders lasting over 24 hours. Each time it’s been “I’m going for 1”. Or the most recent “I’m not drinking tonight” and yet some how it was the biggest bender to date. We had 2 days off before our next month long stint and I wasted the whole time drunk and high and then in bed the whole day.

I had said to my roomie before heading out I wasn’t drinking and then the comments to follow made me feel guilty for choosing myself. I have been trying to be compassionate towards myself because our living and working conditions aren’t normal. And at home I’d be able to step away to make my decisions. But when i work and live in it, it makes it alot harder. Also being emotionally and energetically exhausted also hijacks the decision making.

Im not someone who drinks every day but when i start, I can’t turn it off. Please give me the advice, your story to stay sober. I honestly get so disappointed in myself because I know future me does not drink or take drugs.

I’ve been listening to In the realm of hungry ghosts by Gabor Mate and what happened to you by Oprah Winfrey to get more of an understanding of addiction because I know it’s not what I want yet some how always end up here.

Thanks for reading this long read, glad to be back in the support of this group ❤️‍🩹