Was harassed in the street yesterday and have been in an emotional flashback since.

Yesterday I was walking my dog and a drunk man in the street started to talk to me. I said “I don’t want to speak to you”, and he responded by hurling abuse at me, offensive name calling, shouting, the lot. I started to yell back at him “f*** you, go f*** yourself” (a fight response for me) and then ran off and had a panic attack in a doorway with my poor little confused pup.

I grew up with an abusive and aggressive father who would often unleash a torrent of shouting, criticism and name calling on me at the slightest little thing, just for existing.

I spent the rest of the walk anxious and upset, I came home and cried all night. Today I am drained, exhausted, empty, numb, and very very low.

I feel like I’m still in the flashback, and I can’t get out of it. As many times as I’ve had these, every time it happens I feel like it’s never going to end, and I start to feel suicidal.

I feel ashamed that something so stupid caused this, and I feel ashamed for shouting back at him in a public place where other people saw what was happening (I wish I had shouted back more at my dad, I guess all my anger is coming out now, years later)

I am 37 years old. I wish I had known sooner that I had cptsd, everything feels so hard.

Just sharing here because I am too ashamed to share this with anyone in my life, and I’m afraid they’ll think I’m a freak.

This illness sucks so so much.