[883] Guilty Conscience

Crit 2441

[My submission 883] https://docs.google.com/document/d/17C7MPyLdZcbXdVqghKr5ME1M6GSyyEkWSN-7xq3gUtE/edit?usp=sharing

Intent -> I'm trying to improve my story telling and telling more 'complete' stories with less fluff.

Purpose here was to write kind of like, the negative space around the story. If that makes sense. I was trying to keep extraneous information to a minimum while still (somehow) providing enough context to know what happens -> I think there's some clarity issues (so pointing them out would be helpful, as I've re-read this so much I'm struggling to see them).

There's also some logic issues. I'm not a mechanic/phycisist, and I don't exactly want to start googling around the intricate mechanical details here, but if it's too unbelievable i might have to.

It's also kind of melodramatic. Sorry.

TW for >!implied suicide, I guess!< ? There's nothing graphic or on screen.

Anyway, brutality is fine. I do actually care about prose on this one so ripping that to shreds would be helpful too, but any feedback/pointers welcome. Thanks in advance.