Today I got triggered with a fear about >!death!<. I decided to pause and ground myself and look inward.

I didn't feel that much in my body except a heavy chest. I got an image of a Hobbit's home. Like the one in the drawing. With birds flying in the trees, green grass all around, and a little purple flowers beneath the window. 

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Before I could walk towards the house I felt a Firefighter trying to distract me to other daydreams. I just felt it feeling scared of letting me speak with this Exile.

I invited it to come along with me, and received no response. I questioned how I felt towards this part, and felt another Firefighter who was angry. He, a red silhouetted figure, was annoyed at how parts would not co-operate — that they would always resist.

I explained it to him that this protector was agreeing to let me see her, and that him being angry is what causes me to not proceed. He unblended, and I invited him to walk with us.

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So all three of us walked towards the house, the Exile's protector to my left and the angry protector to the right. Self was in the middle. I saw the story as 3^(rd) person and as Self.

And I saw this little girl with semi-long brown hair and a white dress, with her knees tucked towards her chest as she hugged them while sitting on a step.

I somewhat felt no need to greet her, as if I was welcomed. We just sat in silence for about, I think, 20 minutes. And she got up and went over to check some leaves out.

(Around about this time, the protectors' presence disappeared.)

She came back to the step with a leaf and fiddled with it. I could sense that she lived alone. For IRL context, >!my father passed away!<.

When she started looking more relaxed with my presence, I invited her to draw.

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As we drew, I felt knowingly blended. I allowed her to draw herself — to use the pencil and design what she thinks of. I helped when she asked, but she directed me.

I asked her about her name, and it's Alea. It was the first time I saw her smile. I had a feeling that she was 6 years old. She also told me that this house was her grandma's house. (I don't know any IRL context as I don't remember meeting my grandparents.)

She said that she wanted a tree on the drawing, and I asked her if I could invite another part to draw it for us. She agreed, and so I let him draw (I don't know how he looks or his age, I just have a feeling he is a boy.) After that, he also felt happy and left the space. 

She was actually quite proud of this, and afterwards needed a rest. So I went to lay on the bed, and Self and her sunbathed a bit outside.

A few minutes later, Self picked her up, as if I was a parent, and placed her on her bed. She asked for a hug, and so she got one, and thus came this story to a close. 💚

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I haven't addressed any burdens in this experience. I feel it'd be best to do so when she's ready.

She is the same girl that appeared in my mal. daydreams at night for the past few nights. But she was really triggered, and cried. But I comforted her and removed her from the situation.

Wishing all a lovely weekend! ❤️

I met an exile, and we drew together. [+ Story]