who am i

i dont know who i am. i cant trust myself to know who i am. what if the way i see myself doesn’t match up with how others see myself. doesnt that just make me delusional. sometimes i think i know myself but that perception of myself feels much too optimistic to be true so i spend hours at a time trying to decipher if its true or not. im terrified that maybe i do know myself and im just in denial of it all. im scared that the person that i am is what i fear most. im scared that i am the worst possible perception of myself. so everyday i question over and over again what is true. am i really what i think i am, can i trust myself at all.

what do you do when you dont even know who you are. how can someone who doesnt know what they are have any self esteem. without self esteem theres only self hatred so how can i live only loathing myself. i cant keep doing it any longer