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Just recently I watched a video of a woman crying after learning that the pet sitter she hired left her cat outside over night (due to incompetence and negligence) which lead to the cat being eaten by a coyote.

I was so disturbed by this video, I felt sick thinking about how this poor woman must have felt to find out that her precious pet cat who must have been so scared too had been taken from her in such a way. But then immediately my mind wandered to the pet sitter and I couldn’t help my thoughts from racing to all the ways I could end up doing something equally as terrible due to my incompetence and negligence, and how i’d ever cope with being responsible for something so terrible shou

its gotten to the point where it feels like every breath I take is shameful and i’m embarrassed of just my existence at all.

It’s difficult for me to get close to people cause every part of the interactions I have cause me to ruminate on all the ways im more flawed than everyone. Whether that be my appearance, my upbringing, my academic achievements, etc all of it makes me feel like i’m so much worse than everyone and sometimes it makes me feel so ashamed i’ll spiral into a panic attack because i’m terrified of what i’ve become.

worst of all I feel like i’m a terrible person. I keep thinking its only a matter of time before everyone realizes how awful I am.

I’m not sure what to do anymo

A friend of mine was talking to me about this one movie called ‘ParaNorman’ and even though I consider it a really great movie I have always sort of avoided watching it again.

The first time I watched it was with my bio dad in theatres, and so I always end up thinking about him and what he said to me when we did. At that point in time I had already been taken from his custody and only saw him once every couple of months for an hour or two.

The movie is about a little boy who is ostracized for being able to see spirits, and how frightened people are capable of inflicting undue suffering on others. I remember someone in the movie had lamented on that point, saying something like “people

I don’t think there’s a way i’m coming back from this. All this self hatred and avoidance is catching up to me too quickly and i’m terrified about where i’ll end up. I keep thinking if only i wasnt me, if only i were anyone else but all of that is just delusion, i’m stuck in the mess ive made for myself and even though i know it’s my responsibility to see it through i am scared if living as myself any longer than this.

everyday my self hatred grows, all of my past mistakes are building up and i cant get them out of my head i feel desperately like i want to hurt myself everyday, just to shut myself up because even lamenting on my self hatred makes me hate myself even more. I’m scared to go

Even when i’m not trying to be i’m cynical, sensitive and defensive, it seems like it just leaks out of me no matter the conversation. I really do try not to be this way though, but then I end up getting massive headaches daily due to the energy it takes to play up my smiles and amusement when really inside I feel hurt and sad by absolutely everything. I feel like I want to hole myself up in my room and never speak to anyone again, I don’t want to be perceived, I don’t want to hurt anyone, I don’t want to be anything anymore.

I just turned 22, I’m graduating in a year or so and from then on I plan to be moving out and living on my own. My mom tries to engage with me sometimes and I really d

Even when i’m not trying to be i’m cynical, sensitive and defensive, it seems like it just leaks out of me no matter the conversation. I really do try not to be this way though, but then I end up getting massive headaches daily due to the energy it takes to play up my smiles and amusement when really inside I feel hurt and sad by absolutely everything. I feel like I want to hole myself up in my room and never speak to anyone again, I don’t want to be perceived, I don’t want to hurt anyone, I don’t want to be anything anymore.

I just turned 22, I’m graduating in a year or so and from then on I plan to be moving out and living on my own. My mom tries to engage with me sometimes and I really

A week ago today I got overwhelmed and impulsively took an eyebrow razor and swiped it as hard as it cut across my wrist fast just once but the blade was sharper than what ive been used to so it cut deeper than i expected. I don’t think it was deep enough to reach fat or anything but it bled alot for 15 min and i had to lie on the bathroom floor cause i was nearly passing out.

strangely enough it didnt really hurt much in the moment i just felt really disoriented. but its been a week now and while i do think its healing and closing itself my entire wrist feels like one big bruise and sensative in general. Also the area around the cut is sorta puffy. but the cut itself doesnt look infected

They are small lies or maybe lies by omission but they make me feel terrible, I’m just so afraid of people getting to know me. I feel like if I tell the truth all anyone will do is judge or misunderstand me.

I hate lying so I just avoid everyone and yet I want to have a connection with people so badly.

I’m a horrible person who cannot be trusted, I’m just delusional and will always be alone. I’m just scared and don’t know what to do anymore, why am I so suspicious of people, why am I so ashamed of myself that I have to hide so desperately.. i don’t know what to do anymore

I’m 22 years old and it’s been years since I was in a difficult situation, I was around 13 when I left that situation and started to live a more normal lifestyle in my mom and step dad’s household.

As I got older our family started to be able afford things like vacations and nice dinners, which wasn’t something I was normally used to. We’d also spend holidays together and a couple other types of family activities.

I feel so greatful that we were able to be a normal family, and have happy moments together but sometimes I feel incredibly guilty.

I always end up thinking about my biological father, it’s true he mistreated me and was abusive but he was also a very sad and unwell person.

T

I’m an incredibly lonely person by choice but i’m still lonely, I want to connect with people but doing so scares me so much. Everytime I have an opportunity to get closer to someone and open up I remain defensive because nothing scares me more than them trying to figure me out.

The thought of someone thinking they can understand me at all actually upsets me, I feel like I am the only one who can know me and the perceptions of other people terrify me. I’m so terrified of someone challenging my point of view because I have such a piss poor sense of self, I interpret anything as a jab at my character and my whole vision of ‘myself’ changes upon someone elses perception of me.

My self esteem

He doesn’t have my number, but today when i saw my older sister for the first time in a while she showed me that hes been trying to get in contact with her through text messages for this last little while and she’s been leaving him on read. His latest message was wishing me and my sister a Merry Christmas and just seeing that makes me feel like I am a terrible person for wanting to go no contact but I know I don’t want him to be part of my life again since my mental health has improved ever since we stopped speaking.

I just feel like a terrible person, what if us cutting him off from our lives is an overreaction? When I was 13 we were taken out of his custody and lived with my mom permanen

Im 22 years old and ive been relying on fiction as a coping mechanism my whole life. projecting onto characters i related to and making them fund comfort in my head was my comfort too, it was all i had.

recently it hasnt been working though, for some reason im unable to allow myself to relate to them like i used to, its like im all too aware that this was only just fiction and ive been delusional. its sounds ridiculous but every day has been hell for me because of this, i dont just feel empty i feel grief like my life has lost all meaning, ive thrown up a couple of times from the loss. no matter what i do my coping mechanism isnt helpimg anymore.

I can’t imagine a life without fiction, w

I have been daydreaming as a coping mechanism since even before I can remember. The first 10 years of my life were turbulent, My bio dad was abusive and my mom, sister and I had to live in a womens shelter for a period of time when I was younger, but even after they properly separated my dad had partial custody of us until I was 12 and CPS got involved. All of that was extremely stressful for me as a kid so I’d just hide away in a fantasy.

I projected onto a lot of other troubled fictional characters with similar turbulent abusive backgrounds as mine. I used to think we were one in the same, knowing I was at least like someone I admired so much helped me feel like I could live on, just lik

recently all i can think of is that so many people have it so much worse and yet i am the one who spends every second of the day bitching and moaning about being alive. i feel so incredibly ungrateful and all it does is make me hate myself more and the urge to die stronger.

ive been depressed since i was a little kid when times were bad for my family, but its been years since things were bad like that and now you could even say im living a blessed life. i should feel grateful and yet all i can think of is how much of a waste it is that my situation improved when so many others are still suffering and actually want to give life a chance.

I cant help but feel like i don’t deserve to be hap