32F, 39M — Are these signs of emotional control or just relationship stress?

Hi everyone — I’m looking for objective advice about my relationship. I’m 32F, my boyfriend is 39M. We’ve been together about 1.5 years and living together for six months. We both work from home in tech.

Issues started when I moved in. Despite clear plans, he changed the moving schedule last minute, became irritated, and did most of it himself while expressing frustration toward me. Afterward, he didn’t follow through on making space for my belongings, criticized my decor choices (calling one “gay”), and discouraged me from personalizing shared areas.

Since then, he frequently brings up things he’s done for me — like lending me his keyboard or buying a $10K mattress — as leverage during arguments. For context, I never asked him to buy that mattress, and I have the money to buy my own work equipment; I just accepted his offer to save money. He often calls me lazy, ungrateful, or disgusting, despite me maintaining a regular fitness routine and doing most of the household cleaning. He also says I’m too emotional or sensitive to communicate with and that I’m “ruining his life experience.”

He’s controlling about how I care for my cat, yelling when I let him outside early or leave food out, claiming it’s unhygienic and that I’m not “thinking logically.” I’ve noticed a pattern where he gets irritated when I spend time with friends — he doesn’t acknowledge me afterward, avoids meeting them, and always finds reasons not to come. I’ve started feeling guilty about seeing my friends and have been doing it less.

He’s also told me I’m not allowed to give anyone our address when selling items on Marketplace. After I gave it to a buyer once, he said, “that is never happening again,” so now I have to meet people at grocery stores. None of my friends or family have seen our home, and during a recent argument he said that was because of me and “the state I leave everything in.”

I’m starting to feel emotionally drained and uncertain about what’s normal in a relationship. From an outside perspective — are these just signs of tension and miscommunication, or do they point to emotional control and manipulation? What would you do in this situation?

TL;DR: Been with my boyfriend (39M) for 1.5 years, living together for 6 months. He’s dismissive, controlling about small things, and often uses money or “favors” as leverage. He gets upset when I see friends and limits who I give our address to. I feel anxious and unsure if this is normal or emotionally manipulative. Looking for honest outside advice. (cross posted to r/relationship_advice for visibility and different opinions!)