Update- We're engaged (aka dreading my future NMIL)

Update: We're engaged! My (31F) fiancé (32M) proposed recently. We kept it low-key and spent most of the day just the two of us. Called my family later and they were thrilled! All of our friends and coworkers have been stoked! Then, the next day he told his parents separately while I was at work. His narcissist mom barely acknowledged the news and then tried to hijack the conversation to be about their relationship. She started asking him if he "resented her because of how long he lived at home". Classic narc- she will literally find any excuse rather than admit she’s treated him like a child his whole life, but simultaneously parentified him. His dad thankfully had a more excited response. He hasn’t told his sister because of NC, but, knowing the history- his mom has already told her and they are probably about to stir up drama. 

He wants me to go to family therapy with him and his parents. I said I'm willing to go if absolutely necessary and if it’ll make things leading up to us getting married easier, but that I'm worried about it affecting my health and work stress, since I'd have to cut out of work early to go. I want to be supportive, but I highly doubt any amount of therapy will fix anything. He keeps saying he "doesn't want to leave anything on the table" before calling it quits with them, but I feel like we've put in so much energy already. He promises if we go to therapy and there’s still no effort from them, we’re done trying. I'm worried if I don't go, his parents will blame me for not being "willing to heal", as they've already said this in the past. I’m really dreading the inevitable family drama (especially with NMIL) and feel like my fiancé is being too hopeful things will change. I’m planning on meeting with his therapist to explain how it’s affected my health and how I need to basically be there solely to support my fiancé, while gray rocking. I have a strong sense of justice which often makes it hard for me to not say something when I feel someone is being unfair (I’m likely on the spectrum). Any advice for gray rocking/ dealing with Narcissist in-laws is appreciated.

Original Post: https://www.reddit.com/r/enmeshmenttrauma/comments/1ntom11/my_partners_family_is_hurting_my_health_advice/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button