Been debating to post this or not

(Hey just wanna say thanks for taking the time to read this, hopefully.) I’ve been debating reaching out on this subreddit for advice on what I should do about my anger and issues. It’s hard for me to openly talk about my personal issues due to the way I was raised. (Very much a keep your problems to yourself and “ I don’t know just deal with it” kinda family). Just for a little background and context for everyone here, I grew up extremely religious, my biological parents are divorced and my bio dad has been diagnosed with schizophrenic tendencies and bipolar. My younger brother 19M has already been diagnosed with schizophrenia. I have not been diagnosed with anything. But I haven’t talked to any professional about what I have been going through so my brain is pretty much “if there isn’t a diagnosis there isn’t a problem” I know it’s not a great way to deal with my stuff but that’s why I’m trying to break out of the habit. The only other thing to know is I had a stepfather growing up and 3 of the 5 of us kids are his kids. All younger siblings. So now to get into the meat and potatoes of this post. Stepdad was abusive throughout our childhood and lived with us until the start of COVID pretty much because he was arrested. There has been multiple DCF (department of children and family’s) cases opened against him throughout my childhood and even one ongoing right now. I have been moved out for a little over 2 years now and the more I think about what happened in my childhood and what is still ongoing with my younger siblings I’ve been feeling a lot of regret for not standing up to him and fighting him to protect my siblings and now this regret has transformed into anger. I constantly grind my teeth throughout the day and if I’m not grinding my teeth I’m clenching my jaw. Just the thought of him living a normal life makes my blood boil. All I can think about is how him and others have hurt the ones around me and I just want them to suffer. I’ve had to talk myself out of driving to his mom’s house (both my bio dad and ex-stepdad live with their PARENTS by the way) and drain him like a pig. I don’t know what I can say and cannot so I will censor just in case. I have communicated these thoughts with my mother and my amazing partner so it’s not like I’ve kept it completely bottled up. The issue I’m having now is my impulsive thoughts and anger has broadened out from specific people to just anyone. I have never instigated a fight but I have talked to my partner recently about how I’ve feel like I’m trying to welcome a fight. I desperately want someone to come at me and almost try and beat me to death and I want to return the favor. I’m 6’2” and around 270lb so I’m not an easy target unfortunately. I worry my compulsive thoughts will get out of control in my own head and I’ll attack someone. And I hate saying that because it makes me feel like a cringe edge lord. I was raised to keep my hands to myself and never lay my hand on a woman (I never have and never will) but I think POS middle age deadbeat dads/pedos are fair game and I feel like if I don’t try and deal with this professionally before I actually go out there and delete them. Thank you in advance to anyone who read this whole thing and if things turn for the worse just lmk if you got a deadbeat dad and I’ll kick the shit outta them for you. Have a good day everyone and hope y’all had a good holiday