I can’t stop comparing myself to others

recently all i can think of is that so many people have it so much worse and yet i am the one who spends every second of the day bitching and moaning about being alive. i feel so incredibly ungrateful and all it does is make me hate myself more and the urge to die stronger.

ive been depressed since i was a little kid when times were bad for my family, but its been years since things were bad like that and now you could even say im living a blessed life. i should feel grateful and yet all i can think of is how much of a waste it is that my situation improved when so many others are still suffering and actually want to give life a chance.

I cant help but feel like i don’t deserve to be happy, the thought of me living life to the fullest makes me sick but the thought of being ungrateful of it does too. theres really no escape i just feel like no matter what i do ill always be a piece of shit.

theres really no escape