I feel so ashamed of myself

I have been daydreaming as a coping mechanism since even before I can remember. The first 10 years of my life were turbulent, My bio dad was abusive and my mom, sister and I had to live in a womens shelter for a period of time when I was younger, but even after they properly separated my dad had partial custody of us until I was 12 and CPS got involved. All of that was extremely stressful for me as a kid so I’d just hide away in a fantasy.

I projected onto a lot of other troubled fictional characters with similar turbulent abusive backgrounds as mine. I used to think we were one in the same, knowing I was at least like someone I admired so much helped me feel like I could live on, just like they did.

But then when my mom ended up remarrying my step dad and suddenly our lifestyle changed due to his higher paying job. We started to be able to afford things like vacations, and we eventually moved into a bigger house too. And while I feel incredibly grateful for our lives to have turned around the way they have I just can’t help but also feel incredibly anxious.

I’ve never felt more pressure in my life to become someone successful, I now have the resources and it’s incredibly unfair to both my mom and my step dad if I just don’t make anything of myself with what they have provided me. But my whole life I have dealt with stress through daydreaming and projecting my thoughts onto characters in similar situations as I am.. but recently I feel ashamed because am I even allowed to relate to all of my previous comfort characters anymore?

Unlike all of my comfort characters, my lifestyle has improved greatly and recently I feel like a fraud whenever I try to project onto them. I feel like we aren’t the same anymore and as ridiculous and shameful as it sounds ive been having a crisis about it. They were all that have been keeping me going for years and now I feel like maybe I was wrong to ever relate to them and that my suffering was never comparable to theirs.

I feel so ashamed of myself for caring about something so juvenile but I feel like my primary coping mechanism is just gone now and I don’t know what to do.