[1,693] Gunpowder Fantasy Prologue(Shorter Critiques Welcome!)

Hello, snippet is bit long I know, but I'll happily take shorter critiques or even critiques of the first few paragraphs(or the opening lines, I really want to nail those down).

This is a prologue for a gunpowder fantasy novel I'm working on, context is that there's mages and guns, and guns have been increasingly important for the past few centuries, but the status quo is receiving a shakeup and that's going to cause a lot of violence.

There's no actual combat in the prologue though.

I'm very early on in this project, so even feedback like "this is garbo and I hate your hat" is meaningful (although I'd appreciate stylistic or structural critiques, I consider my prose unpolished but I'm working hard to improve).

Content Warning: Mentions of Murder, (Hopefully) Suspense

Story: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1uxThHnhi03SSdniJI5NPltubDsr-MXnAxxBoukxvmo0/edit?usp=sharing

Critiques: https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/1qamzax/831_damons_deal/

https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/1qb6y8f/comment/o0fee8u/?context=3

Note: I have returned! After reading the rules properly like a normal person! Sorry about the accidental leeching, I just found out this sub existed today.