[2188] Twins - Chapter 1

Hi everyone,

I am looking for feedback on the opening chapter of my slow-burn Sci-fi Novel. Tell me exactly what doesn’t work and why. If something feels pretentious, boring, confusing, or overwritten please don't sugarcoat it.

This is currently an 8 page chapter and I am not sure if it is doing what it is supposed to. The problem seems to be some sort of lack of narrative spine. I know the past sequence or dream like vision feels unearned but it is needed for the overall story.

Thanks everyone.

Story Crit1[2474] Crit2[376]