Idk what it is anymore i just want it end

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCD/comments/1r8nrub/spiralling_again_i_just_want_this_to_stop/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button <————- my last post if anyone wants to read.
I fear ill never recover the arousal is just automatic, as i stated under my post my eyes percieved something as a child even tho it wasnt and suddenly that signal was sent??? Like what??? Just an automatic response its not even a conscious thought but i guess my brain is always on look out idk. I dont know how to recover bevause its just automatic!!! I want it stop and please i know this is reassurance seeking but i have genuinely lost all hope am i a genuine pedophile? What do i do. Im so hopeless numb and stuck.

i only know of a few others in this subreddit who deal with this kind of thing this arousal non concordance ocd that doesnt just happen to intrusive thoughts, what the fuck. it makes me sick like why is it im around children and public and get the arousal. What the fuck? can paraphilias seriously develop in late teens too? Ive never been like this before, still kinda not anyways i know im not attracted to them but im just so caught up on it if actually is i have no desire to do anything to a child it just disgusts me Because its not who i am. but im so scared that this is real attraction. Can someone please answer me Its helpful to know im not alone but i feel so hopeless :(

please i just dont want this anymore