[605] Untitled Neptune short story

Hi, everyone! First time submitting work here. This is the first part of a short story that I'm still currently working on for a college club writing jam. Let me know if the prose is good, if the pacing is good, whether you're interested in reading more, etc. https://docs.google.com/document/d/147hLhi90mMztnRtw73Bp4gbGOLZE_JbCBLAtXmd2Y5Q/edit?usp=sharing My critique: 723