Disclaimer:

The story is in second person. It's not CYOA, DnD or any other kind of roleplay. It's a purposeful intersection of first and third person intended to reflect a character's psyche and subjectivity, a form of self-narration.

I urge you to read this part as a reader more so than a writer or an editor, although all feedback is welcome.

Context:

Marco is an amnesiac young man who woke up in the woods three weeks prior.

He found a job and a room at a local general store, employed by a solitary owner (Henry), now frequently trains with him in the basement gym.

Zita is a young woman, Henry's friend, a part of a neighborly network, always willing to help. She is an orphan working and living at Harbor Springs Hotel.

Earlier today Marco was permitted to skip a day of work in order to help Zita with her freelance personal charity - looking after locals in need of help. Zita promised a reward in a form of pizza at the hotel (tab 1)

Their cooking activities were disrupted by a hotel guest in need of help, so some typical hotel work ensued (tab 2), really taxing and wearing out both characters after an unusually long and stressful day.

This part portrays the finale of their day together.

Harbor Springs Hotel, tab 3

Questions:

1. What did you think of the characters, both in and out of story context? What do you imagine they want from one another?

2. Why do you think Zita was intent on keeping Marco secret from her hotel comrades?

3. Did you read/glance over the previous parts of the chapter?

4. What is your general opinion on the style and prose? How difficult/easy was it for you to read and why? What kind of a state were you reading it in and how did it affect you?

5. Do you have any personal anecdotes similar to the situations in the chapter to share? What about personal opinions only tangentially related to anything at all? I do literally welcome your insight even if it relates to nothing on the first glance.

My recent crits: [2000] [1913]

And, of course, I will be sure to reciprocate the reviews to anyone who enjoys posting in this sub.