[2349] Bluebell Breath Chapter 1: Twenty-One Blueberries (part 1/2)

Hello, I’m not experienced at writing but I finished my first ever chapter! 

I really want to improve, so I’m grateful for any feedback provided. 

CW: Eating disorder, suicide and child neglect/abuse (implied)

My story: Bluebell Breath Chapter 1: Twenty-One Blueberries (part 1/2)

(This is only part 1 of 2. You may read part 2 in the other tab if you wish but it’s not finished and not included for critique. I have split it up as it is lengthy.)

My critiques: Heat Below (1913) | Thalissa (2925)

Details:

The genre of the story is otome isekai. The main character, Ryan, falls into a coma (resulting from a suicide attempt) and wakes up in another world, which happens to be of a popular visual novel game in his time. However, he is unaware of this, he never played the game. There are other people who transmigrated into characters of the story when they died, one of which Ryan knew back in his world, and another of who was an avid fan of the game, and knew the original plot well. It is a fantasy setting, with Victorian-esque elements. 

I could say more about the story, but I believe this is too long already. And such details are not relevant at this time. If you need more context or are confused about something, feel free to ask instead.

I would love any critique you give, I have been looking at my own writing excessively and it has become much like mush to me. My aim is to make the characters human and impart emotional value on the reader, without making it too melodramatic. The majority of the characterisation of the other characters do occur in the second part but anyways. Let me know what you think ^^