[2201] The Crystal Paperweight - Relegated - Bk2 Ch18

Hello,

I have the urge to improve my writing, so I'm posting on here again. I've worked hard on this chapter so I don't know how to improve it at the moment. The MC of the chapter is in a bad mental place, and I wonder if I managed to convey that. This chapter is setting up for the character's health scare, and they try to turn things around after that.

Feedback would be appreciated.

The only things I can think of is that Eric's experience of drinking/ his hangover is not realistic, and that this chapter might be a bit dramatic.

Crits:

[2240] Harbor Springs Hotel, pt. 3

My Thing:

The Chapter

The Context:

Eric: A magical noble man with mind reading powers, who has become obsessed with his old love interest, and is neglecting his daughter. He met them whilst he was pretending to be a woman years ago, under the orders of his late, crazy father (who wanted to banish him, and used an antiquated rule to stop him from inheriting the title of house head). The people who gave his life meaning again were Marth and Joseph.

Marth: Eric's servant, who has been charged with looking after Eric's daughter. They used to be close, but aren't anymore because he hates what he's doing to his daughter.

Technology level: late 19th century

Thanks,