You Can Meet Good People and Still Not End Up Together

Been in the arranged marriage process for around 2 years now. I(30 M) do get good number of matches but I’m pretty selective about whom I want to invest my time and emotions into. Just wanted to write down a few experiences because honestly this whole process has been way more emotionally exhausting than I expected.

1. Girl 1 (Last year around May)

We matched and started vibing well after a couple of phone calls. She was honestly everything I thought I wanted in a partner. Ambitious, smart, same pay bracket, loved cooking (we cooked together at times), loved travelling, emotionally mature. Everything was just easy with her.

The weird part was that even after all this, I couldn’t feel romantic attraction towards her the way she felt towards me.

She slowly started liking me a lot and I tried convincing myself that maybe attraction develops with time because on paper she was probably the best match I’ve met till date.

I still remember one date where she held my hand and internally something just felt off. Not because she did anything wrong but I just couldn't hold hers.

Eventually I ended things saying we are “different in many ways” because I myself couldn’t explain what exactly was missing.

And honestly, even today I sometimes regret letting her go.

2. Girl 2 (September)

This one felt straight out of a movie initially.

We vibed instantly on the first phone call itself. Long drives became normal, holding hands felt natural, we’d do cute little things for each other and somewhere both of us had already started imagining a future together.

For the first time in this process I genuinely felt emotionally invested.

Then one day while talking about our pasts, she told me she had been in multiple FWB relationships over the last few years. One of them was literally days before she met me.

And before anyone misunderstands this, I’m not judging her for it. She was honest with me when she could’ve hidden it and I genuinely respected that honesty.

But internally something changed for me after hearing it.

I tried very hard to move past it because emotionally we connected so well, but I just couldn’t see my future partner in her the same way anymore.

Eventually we parted ways.

3. Girl 3 (This year around March)

Again instant connection. But this time I was much more cautious because of the previous experiences.

She admired literally everything about me. Even things I personally dislike about myself. First date felt magical honestly and the emotional intensity was very high from day one.

Part of me loved it. Part of me thought maybe I’m just being stupid again.

Still, things were going really well and feelings were developing from both sides.

Then during one conversation about past relationships, I told her everything openly from my side. When I asked her the same, she suddenly shut down completely saying “it doesn’t matter. Past is past and since we are imagining our future together you should not be concerned about my past. All I can tell is I've been in multiple relationships”.

What bothered me wasn’t even the past. It was how differently she started behaving after that conversation. Dry texts, no calls unless I initiated and overall very low effort. It genuinely felt like I was talking to a different person.

Eventually I had to end it because I can’t handle inconsistency and emotional confusion.

And before people judge anyone here, please don’t. None of them were bad people honestly. They were all good women in their own ways and this post is not meant to shame anyone for their choices or pasts. These are just experiences from my side.