I can't bear to interact with people socially anymore

Background?: Shy as a kid, moved around a whole lot, little family, no friends

I'm almost 30 and I lost the desire to have friends years ago but now it feels hard to even say hi to someone walking down the street. I'll do it anyway if the conditions are met where it feels expected/polite but there are many times I've crossed the street to avoid the scenario altogether.

I wouldn't say I'm phobic or anything because my client side skills are excellent and my coworkers only have nice things to say about me but the person they're interacting with isn't me, it's whatever I have to be to avoid trouble and do my job. The issue is I'm so damn tired of faking all the time and scared of "failing the lie" that now I avoid interacting with people as much as possible. The post-interaction anxiety is killer too. I can't even fully relax at home 90% of the time because I have a partner and kid and I have to be a proper human being around them too.

It sounds childish but I feel like a stray dog, wanting to bark at anyone that approaches me because I'm so damn scared all the time and being alone is the only safe option (I'm polite to everyone, this is just a feeling). And I can't even chill my head with weed because it makes me overeat and I just worked off a lot lol

Just venting because I don't talk to people. And no I'm not autistic, I generally score too low on the tests.