:/

i also hate what you did to me, i hate how you treated me too. i wish we both could’ve been better when we knew it was our last chance. the 3 years with you had been a whirlwind, you know everything that happened with me in that time period and how we were on a daily basis… after you left i had nothing because you took her. i should have fought more for her but you were calling the police on me and submitting letters to the judge even when i was just dropping your stuff off or trying to send you money so i was scared to fight more for her and im scared to even be doing this right now because you’re so fucking unpredictable man it’s scary fr. you took her and i wanted that love back… they needed that love so i gave it to them since you won’t let me give it to her…. you might think im a deadbeat, but their dad is one and she was nice to me in the ways you used and i wanted to love and feel loved again after not feeling like that for a long time. with all of the paperwork you made me feel like i was a bad parent and i wasn’t made out to be one but i knew it wasn’t true and i wanted to prove that wrong and i am. they love me very much and call me dad i just wish i could hear it from her too. i tried to forgive you i really did it just felt like with he everyday petty arguments and fights and the insecurities and all that it was hard for me to have any peace which made it hard to move past if that makes any sense? i understand you were post partum and you were struggling in ways that you didn’t tell me and now i understand and i should have been softer and more understanding and i’m really sorry. you were all i wanted for the longest time and you know that and i KNOW you know that… you may question it sometimes but deep down you know i wanted you and i continuously tried to make it work and i wanted to make it work but it kept going the same way if not worse with a daughter and i felt like we were stuck at the hotel. ur car broke, we couldn’t get a place, i was trying get off probation so we could leave the state and go somewhere better i just felt like it was impossible and i was so stressed and i just snapped and im sorry. i called my mom that day and it was a very hard conversation but she said the best thing to do for not only our daughter but both of us too was to end the relationship… and she was truly right. i didn’t imagine that this is the way it would go but i also handled that wrong because i was just very mad and very upset and confused because i never wanted to give my kids a broken home but i did. i should have done it better and you 110% deserved that and we would probably be in a much better situation than we are now but here we are. im not asking you to do or anything and im not trying to get you to do anything. the only thing ive asked for is her… anything about her at all i would love. i’m just trying to do what you would want me to do i guess? even though you want me to stop doing this and i probably should but i know how you work… im scared fr cuz ur still putting pfa’s for no fucking reason and i know you’re still mad and resentful towards me so you can flip at any time but i guess at least it’s anonymous reddit. funny i can still pick you out by your typing tho.