“What if i’m capable of that” anxiety

Just recently I watched a video of a woman crying after learning that the pet sitter she hired left her cat outside over night (due to incompetence and negligence) which lead to the cat being eaten by a coyote.

I was so disturbed by this video, I felt sick thinking about how this poor woman must have felt to find out that her precious pet cat who must have been so scared too had been taken from her in such a way. But then immediately my mind wandered to the pet sitter and I couldn’t help my thoughts from racing to all the ways I could end up doing something equally as terrible due to my incompetence and negligence, and how i’d ever cope with being responsible for something so terrible should that ever arise.

This is just one example but I just can’t help but have those kinds of thoughts constantly, like “what if im capable of terrible things” and then I have to find ways to prove to myself that I have never shown any signs of being capable of that, reciting tons of old memories or new thoughts in my head until im satisfied that I am not capable of that.

It makes it difficult for me to engage with people quite often because for whatever reason I just cant shake the thought that I am capable of terrible things and I dont know how to make it stop.