[785] Curse and Broken Things (fan fiction)
critiques:
[395]
https://old.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/1tqolpr/395_nightmares/oonyoxz/
[704]
a small excerpt of a Harry Potter fan fic I am writing (It does have some GOT inspo, hence the title)
If you love Hermione and Ron together, maybe don't read this. Honestly if you are a big Harry Potter fan in general, read with caution. I am writing the characters as adults with my own take in a post war fic.
My biggest concern is prose. I really don't like monologuing from characters, and I am worried that my attempts to avoid it are actually hurting me. Should I include more of an inner monologue from Hermione in this excerpt?
Also, how do you read Hermione and Ron in this?
Hermione stared blankly at the stack of parchment in front of her.
IN THE FAMILY COURT AT WIZENGAMOT dominated the front sheet. With bold black letters, it consumed nearly one fourth the page. She thumbed one corner, peeling it back slightly before pressing it down again.
The counsel coughed and nudged the ink pot.
“For the quill.” He smiled gently.
She frowned at him. "I kno—"
They all looked back at her.
Ron tightened his lip with raised eyebrows.
Her throat bobbed. "Thanks," she murmured.
Suddenly, wetting her quill with ink seemed more interesting than anything else in the room.
The quill scratched lightly against the parchment. She extended a sharp line on the final letter of her name, completing it with a quick flick.
Despite the circumstances, she found herself admiring the signature. It's something she had perfected before even Hogwarts. She recalled the hours spent that one night. Lined muggle paper covered in her name. Her father, kind enough to humor her for a time, eventually insisted she choose one and practice it in her room. It's the same signature she used now to finalize her divorce.
She placed two fingers on the stack of parchment and deftly slid them towards opposing counsel.
Ron folded his arms over his chest. His head lolled to one side while he rolled his eyes.
The movement created a crooked crease down the middle of his otherwise perfectly smooth button down shirt.
Molly must have ironed it for him. She would be upset if he came back home with a wrinkled shirt. She could easily imagine the look of indignation on her face while she stood with a hand on each hip. When he tried to sneak by, she would most likely swat at him, landing a few before he escaped to a different room.
Or maybe not today. Today she might pull him in tightly. She may soothe her hand down his red hair, while whispering words of comfort.
She remembered the one time he asked her to iron his shirt for him. Her response was to throw the shirt back at him and return to her work. At the time, she was more upset that he interrupted her focus, not about the ask.
The crease shifted when he tightened his arms. Maybe she should have done it.
Hermione glanced between her counsel and Ron. He acknowledged her questioning expression with a shrug before exchanging a knowing glance with opposing counsel.
Ron leaned forward, unfazed by his counsel knocking his elbow while sliding the papers in front of him.
"Really Hermione?"
She nearly scoffed.
Ron's counsel made contact with his arm again and nodded to the papers. Ron swatted his hand away, keeping his attention on Hermione.
"Too good to-"
She regarded him through cold eyes. Her mouth formed into a saccharine smile, her eyes widening to mock excitement.
"It’s procedural, Ronald. It passes from my counsel to me, then to yours, who gives it to you." She used her finger to trace the path for emphasis. "See now?" Her voice lifted an octave at the end.
Ron scowled. "Sure. Of course." He curled his lip as he said it.
He snatched the quill. After coating the tip, he blotted his name onto the parchment.
She wanted to tell him not to rip it, but didn't want to delay them further.
He returned the quill to the ink pot and slid the parchment towards his counsel.
His counsel blew on the signature in an attempt to dry the puddle of ink.
She itched to reach for her wand to speed up the process. Her hand drifted toward her pocket before she caught sight of Ron.
He fidgeted with the frayed ends of his sweater, rolling a bundle of loose threads between his thumb and index finger.
Only she noticed his jaw trembling. He quickly sucked in one side of his cheek. She winced and looked away.
Maybe she shouldn't have antagonized him. He did start it, but that doesn't make her feel better.
Ron's counsel whispered to him as he slid the dried parchment into a manila folder.
She forgot the wand and gingerly laced her hands together to place them at the edge of the table. She eyed her hands and discreetly placed them into her lap instead.
Her counsel leaned towards her.
"That will be it, Ms. Granger."
He stood up and offered her his hand. Hermione spared one last look at Ron. He seemed to feel her gaze. He turned his attention from his counsel, quite blatantly ignoring him. It almost made her smile.
She nodded at him. He looked on at her somberly. She felt his eyes follow her out the door.
Posted May 30, 2026, 12:07 AM UTC