Im sick of having friends at all

What is the point of wasting a chunk of my life and time on other human beings? I have already sacrificed so much for “friends” just for them to eventually move away, or find better people to spend their time with. Why am I the stepping stone friend who is made to feel crazy and clingy because “people have lives” “people are busy” as some flimsy excuse while fucking off with other people? These friends of mine make me feel entitled to people’s time like I already don’t spent 95% of mine in isolation. I’m tired of feeling obligated to play games I hate, or engage with specific people I don’t get along with because I’m desperate for connection and I’m tired of being stringed along with this bullshit idea that some day my friends will eventually have the time for me, they have the time, just not for me. But nobody can be fucking honest and so im told that I don’t engage with interests outside my own meanwhile sacrificing my needs has been integral to many of my interpersonal relationships, and for WHAT? I wasn’t making these sacrifices to get something out of it, but after many years I am realizing how miserable and alone I truly feel, I am surrounded by individuals that I call my friends, but don’t feel like my friends. How many times do I have to apologize for how my feelings make other people feel before anyone listens to how I feel? I don’t want anything to do with the human race

It is 9:42 PM and my wifi shuts off at midnight every night and it’s yet another night of yearning and waiting while the clock ticks, and then tomorrow it’s the same routine, day in, day out.

I don’t care if people are busy, nobody is too busy, just say u don’t have the time for me in particular and save me a lot of time and pain