My MIL Doesn’t Like Me, But Wants Access to My Child—What Would You Do?

Moms, I need y’all’s opinion because I’m genuinely tired at this point.

How do y’all deal with a mother-in-law that doesn’t like you and can’t even give a valid reason why?

I’m talking about one of those moms that was calling you all types of names before she even met you. Before I ever met this woman she was saying I had this and that, talking crazy about me, and I had never even spoken to her. Most women would’ve grabbed their phone and cussed her out, but that’s not me. Every single time I’ve remained respectful.

I’ve said yes ma’am, no ma’am, good morning, thank you, how are you, all that. I’ve tried to bond with her on multiple occasions because I really wanted that mother-in-law relationship. I’ve always wanted that. But no matter what I do, she just doesn’t want it.

My husband tells me all the time that I’m more mature than his mom and that she’s prideful. He says she never had a good relationship with her own mother-in-law, and honestly I think she’s one of those moms that doesn’t like that her son has a wife and his own family now. She doesn’t have the same power she used to have, and she hates that her son stands on business when it comes to me and loves me the way he does.

The thing that’s really starting to bother me is my child.

For months I’ve been letting my husband take our baby over to granny’s house because I never wanted to be the woman keeping a grandchild away from their grandmother. Even though she doesn’t like me, I’ve still allowed that relationship. Like she will randomly tell my husband bring the baby over this and that. But you want her on your terms and I don’t agree with that at all.

But I’ve noticed her love seems conditional. When everything is good, she’ll respond to messages, want pictures, be involved, all that. But when there’s a fallout or we’re not talking, suddenly she’s not cordial anymore and acts different.

Am I wrong for feeling like that’s weird?

Because to me, if you love your grandchild, you love them regardless. You don’t pick and choose when you want to be involved based on how you’re feeling about the mother.

This isn’t me trying to keep my child away from her grandma. It’s me feeling like if you don’t fw me, don’t want a relationship with me, and can’t even be cordial with me after everything I’ve done, then why would I feel comfortable with my child being around you?

And before anybody says I’m being petty, I’ve spent months being the bigger person. Months keeping my mouth shut. Months trying to build a relationship with someone who clearly doesn’t want one.

I’m just tired of always being the mature one while people get to treat me however they want.

So be honest: am I wrong for not wanting my baby around someone whose love seems to come only on their terms? Or are these reasonable boundaries?