I punch myself as penance for my failures.

I don’t understand what happened to me. Since when I started to become this pathetic shelf of person? I gained so much of flesh in these 4 years, I failed to study in medschool and failed program on 3rd year. And now I can’t be good at games. At all. I don’t know why I am horrible. Ten Piedad took me at least 10 tries till I grasp it. And even then barely on half health

And now suffer on Tres Angustias. It’s been two years since I completed both games.

And each time I fail or die, I as penance start to punch myself till I will bleed. I don’t know why I do it. Why I become such a shallow version of me. Why I fallen so hard as human.

I know it’s seems like skill issue and attention seeking. But I don’t know what to do otherwise. Any time I do ask help of my health on special subs no one even comment them. I get banned on my other account for “unapproachable” comment of wanting to cause for myself.

Even Reddit itself think I am unworthy. What I need to do is people would feel bad for me? Do I need to become forever bound to sickness