Mundane-Map8582

Hi, it’s Slow_Prior here, I I want to warn you that my main account has been permanently banned for “breaking rules”.

I for long time suffered cause of my depression and posting way too many times in search for help. Sometimes too emotionally immature and rashly.

Since why now most of MD:R updates will be posted on this account along with memes.

You can still follow news along with my good friend Explorer63 who is co writer of Murder drones: Reloaded.

Thank you for listening.

Will change pfp soon

I think sometimes I need to be just bad bad in terms of how many shit fallen onto me,

Only then people will feel sorry for me and pity.

I always seek pity. I want for people to just say I loved.

But when I say about my problems on Reddit. I don’t get anything. No attention. Even negative one!

Do I need to be survivor of horrible crime to deserve pity?

Hi, everyone I am 20M. I get kicked out from medschool this year. I studied on 3rd year and failed too many exams.

During all those studying years I suffered from horrible anxiety and later come to know I suffered and still suffering from clinical depression.

I had many failed attempts over this time. Sometimes I stoped myself from doing one final step. Sometimes its people nearby stopped me.

I don’t know why I become like this. Why I hate to study so much! To the point I avoid it like plague doing any other shit like doomscrolling. And then having a dare to cry about it like I cared.

I hate being stupid yet hate actually studying. With all my being. I hated it since when I was in 4th

Вот мне 20 лет. Проучился я МУА, поступил туда через грант Халык. Проучился там 3 года и вылетел в первом семестре из за академ задолженности. Провалил слишком много экзаменов.

Мне бы не было так обидно, я если честно ненавидел каждый день в этом вузе. Я не хотел быть врачом. Никогда. Выбрал я это потому что родители сказали это престижно. Это благородно. Денег будет много. При этом мама буквально сказала что «твои мечты эти, творчество, желание пойти в сценаристы. Это говно. Это розовые очки. Это тебя не прокормит»

И как итог? Я выяснил в этом году что у меня уже давно тянется затяжная депрессия. Я с года как поступил в Университет, чувствовал лишь отчаяние. Я несколько раз чуть не зако

I wish Miracle was real at least towards me. I wish my sufferings had some kind of purpose. I wish I would suffer as I deserve. So I would repent for all my wrong doings. So I would at least myself I get what I deserved.

I wish there were reasons why I let myself go so low

I wish my depression turned to something real

I wish I was punished for being such a brat.

I wish my hands were beaten on cross

I am not even good at those games

What kind of braindead waste 10th attempts in Ten Piedad? Only me!

I have horrible habit in throwing information about my trauma to anyone. I am horrible at handling so much dark thoughts inside me.

I often write posts on subreddits dedicated to my favorite games and shows through my experience with trauma, my obesity and getting kicked out of medschool on 3rd year.

And almost all the time people just look at me with “bruh” “ok” “skill issue” “attention seeker”

But when I do ask the same on subreddits that made for these questions, I get no feedback. Zero response. Almost as I have no rights to even bother.

Do I need to have cancer or terminal condition so people would say “I am sorry”.

I know I am pathetic in dwelling with self hatred and trauma dum

I don’t understand what happened to me. Since when I started to become this pathetic shelf of person? I gained so much of flesh in these 4 years, I failed to study in medschool and failed program on 3rd year. And now I can’t be good at games. At all. I don’t know why I am horrible. Ten Piedad took me at least 10 tries till I grasp it. And even then barely on half health

And now suffer on Tres Angustias. It’s been two years since I completed both games.

And each time I fail or die, I as penance start to punch myself till I will bleed. I don’t know why I do it. Why I become such a shallow version of me. Why I fallen so hard as human.

I know it’s seems like skill issue and attention seekin

It’s forever stuck with me.

I always need to hear I have right to be upset. I m loved. I am worthy of standing on earth. I need to hear from people I deserve love.

Cause otherwise I feel nothing all the time. Nothing but self hatred I feel for myself each day. For each hour and each minute. I failed so many times, I failed my parents.

I failed myself.

I gain weight in 4 years.

Had multiple attempts and long story of having violence self hatred.

I get kicked out of medschool on 3rd year.

And all the time I start to type this or vent, I only receive few responses on subreddit. Even those that are made for people with depression or mental health issues.

Maybe it’s just means I am t

For context I am 20, living with parents, studied in M3, got kicked out for academic credits. I failed three exams in row, now thinking of just ending it.

I know I am diagnosed with clinical depression from visiting hospital. I am taking meds. But they didn’t made my life easier. If anything I started to become more and more jaded and dead on emotions.

I feel nothing even since I stated medschool, no joy or drive in it . I chose it cause parents thought it’s a good profession. I thought it would be easy. And instead I realize what a brain dead loser I am there.

Now I am standing, not knowing what to do. Thinking of just ending it.

Mom doesn’t care about my mental condition, nor my pai