[728] My first week of writing

As the title says, I am very new. I learn best by being directly told what works and what doesn't. The story I'm working on is a mystery about a funeral florist that relives the last 3 hours of a deceased person's life upon skin to skin contact. This is the opening of it.

I'm essentially looking for any and all feedback. I don't know what I don't know. Thank you in advance!

Link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1IGMYLyNqalbxvVBOGe-G_9SXOSyRHQiEUGp6oj1Ib8k/edit?usp=sharing

My crit [1430]: https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/1tx41gh/comment/optp181/?context=1&screen_view_count=2