Whats even the point anymore?

Ive been out of permanent job for almost 20 months now and I am barley getting by. I do have small income here and there for side work I do as freelance but in general I am stuck. I have done everything I am supposed to. There are no stones unturned. And I still continue to do everything. But nothing happens.

In general, most jobs I apply for ends up in an automatic rejection email within 1-2 days. Regardless if I am a 100% fit or not. I have even applied for roles that could be written for me, and I´m still not getting more than a quick rejection email. And sure, some idiots thinks this is a me-problem. Change your CV, apply more, do this and that etc and thinks thats the issue. Smart people knows that the system is broken.

For the few roles I actually ends up in final rounds, then I get rejected anyway for silly reasons (last time everyone said the job was mine until the VP told me she wanted a "Benelux person" despite the role being for the nordics) and usually I find out that months later they still havent hired anyone for the role. Was there even a job to begin with? Nobody knows but I have my suspicions....

I am at the point now where I know there is no point anymore. I still go through the motions but regardless of auto rejections or final rounds, I dont take it seriously anymore. How could I after almost 2 years of this shit? So much is out of my hands anyway. Im too old, too expensive, too whatever they make as an excuse etc. The worst part is that I dont see light in the end of a tunnel. I dont even think I am in an tunnel, more likely a hole digging downwards. To be honest, I dont think I will ever get a job again. And that without any fault of mine.

And its not getting easier when people around me dont understand. And yes, I am more often in a bad mood, more often cold to others etc. But I am just human, of course this effects me. Not sure what I wanted to say with this post, I guess I needed to vent.