Bonded with my crush about being fearful avoidants

We are both mid 20s. I got out of a 5 year long bad relationship a year ago. He's never been in one. We spend a lot of time together. Extended hang outs after everyone else goes to bed, 12 hour days together. Deep conversations. Talking about how seen we feel with each other. Talking about how we want kids. We have really close moments, spend entire weekends together, and then don't talk for the rest of the week. The push and pull is torture.

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I think he likes me. I think he knows on some level that I like him. I don't think either of us will do anything about it. I deleted my dating apps because I already feel like I'm in a pseudo relationship. I am putting my life on hold for him and I have no one to blame but myself.

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