trying not to relapse, need tips on how to stay sober.

i haven’t done xanax since i accidently overdosed on valentine’s day and woke up in the hospital after a 3 day long xan black out, as i ended up in this little mental treatment center thing for 5 weeks. i’m sober from it but it’s literally always on my mind. all day long i think about it. every second of the damn day. i’m trying so hard to relapse because i don’t want to ruin my life anymore, ive lost friends and lost all trust from my family. i’ve failed all my classes and i want to get better, i really do. i don’t know how much longer i can stay sober. the only way ive been able to distract myself is by smoking. my voice is raspy and i have to buy a new pack every 2 days and waste so much money, ive been exploring psychedelics, a drug, i know but its harm reduction and can’t kill me. i’m pretty much going broke from chain smoking, but i don’t want to relapse on xanax. my doctor says my lungs have a lot of damage, i feel of tobacco and some of my friends give me weird looks. my parents have just accepted that i smoke and they can’t do anything about it. they see my packs laying around and they smell it on me and hear it in my cough. my moms pretty much said as long as im not popping pills anymore. i’ve genuinely lowered my parents expectations so much it’s embarrassing. the only thing i can think about is how much i want to pop a bar everyday. i’m only 15, i don’t want to grow up to be a junkie. i’ve had my fun with trying all types of pills and drugs. but it always goes back to me wanted xanax all day everyday. i’m so worried about where my life is going. how do i stay sober from xanax? how do i quit smoking. my life is a mess. i used to be a good kid. i used to get straight A’s and be well behaved. problem is that back then i was a self harm addict and was very anorexic. once i started abusing substances i ended up recovering from anorexia and self harm addiction, just moved on from one addiction to another. i don’t know if ill ever truly recover from anything. i’m worried that now that ive stopped using i’ll go back to my old addictions.