I want to commit suicide

I want to commit suicide but I’m too scared it won’t work and I’ll become half disabled or something, I just want a method that almost kills me so I know what it’s like to almost die.

I’m stuck, my life is going nowhere and I don’t plan it to. I feel so low whenever anyone asks me what I’m doing and what I’ll do in the future because I just don’t see a future.

I want to cut but I don’t want the cuts to be visible which they will be in this heat.

I’ll never change as a person I’m always going to manipulative and cruel and I and many can blame it on my childhood but I’m the one still choosing to act out that way because I’m sick. I’d be doing everyone a favour killling myself. No toruble anymore for anymore

My birthday is in just over a week and I’ll be 19.

I want to stay young. It’s been an exhausting past few weeks, I’ve managed to make distractions for myself, see positive in eveyrhting but I couldn’t keep up with it anymore and now I’m who I reallly am again.

I don’t think I can manage making notes for everyone but maybe it’s the least I can do so they don’t blame eachother and have an understanding.

I’m selfish for wanting to kill myself and leaving my family and cats alone I know but I won’t be able to care if I’m dead