Lost0Entity

I want to commit suicide but I’m too scared it won’t work and I’ll become half disabled or something, I just want a method that almost kills me so I know what it’s like to almost die.

I’m stuck, my life is going nowhere and I don’t plan it to. I feel so low whenever anyone asks me what I’m doing and what I’ll do in the future because I just don’t see a future.

I want to cut but I don’t want the cuts to be visible which they will be in this heat.

I’ll never change as a person I’m always going to manipulative and cruel and I and many can blame it on my childhood but I’m the one still choosing to act out that way because I’m sick. I’d be doing everyone a favour killling myself. No toruble a

In a ldr relationship and we’re not sexual anymore texting, I can show him pics of my body but he doesn’t comment anything and I want my body to be complimented.

My heart hurts I’m constantly scared that he watches porn even though he doesn’t. He tells me he doesn’t really get horny anymore online idk whether to believe this or not…

Trying to make plans to meet again also but he’s just not rlly trying to plan anything so I keep reminding him but not much change.

I know he wouldn’t cheat, he tells me he wouldn’t ever do that to me either but I still feel really hurt.

Maybe it’s more of my need over his but as a woman you want compliments you want effort and gestures

I feel like my ldr bf hates me, we barely text during the day, snap more but even then he’s slow at snapping back so I do the same back and we don’t call as much as we used to.

I did say or do some hurtful things to him but I’ve apologised and we have had good calls but I feel like we’re dying out.

He feels depressed sometimes at work and home and idk if I’m getting in the way of all that stress.

We have plans to meet up but how we’re doing rn worries me and I still want to be with him because we’ve had so many good memories and calls can be good but the texting judt backs up that feeling he hates me..

I don’t want to sound self centered but I’m worried

And I don’t send face pictures

I can’t feel happy anymore unless I’m busy with certain people or spending money.

Recently I’ve been struggling with my mental health a lot and I tend to overthink but whenever the week comes I am happy because I hang out with people at school, stay fit, etc and then the afternoon comes and I feel down, can’t clean my room or do anything productive and will call my friend.

My friend is not able to call me today and we fell out yesterday which made me depressed the whole day even though I was hanging out with another friend I didn’t gain anything from it.

I hate the weekends now because that’s when I’m alone and not busy.

I used to drink a lot basically everyday but I don’t anymore becaus

I can’t get out of bed I’m in a constant state of crying and I can’t decide wether to eat or shower first

I’m overthinking about people leaving me because of the weird state I’m constantly in and my mood swings I’m always doing somethin risky to check how people really feel about me and it’s gross I want to stop I want to just be able to learn and study and do normal people activities but I’m just stuck in my head all the time

I’ve been struggling with porn addiction for a few months now

I cant get turned on by my bfs pictures of his face or dirty pics

Ive never looked at a guys body in porn and gotten off to it. I’ve always just looked at the girls body and gotten off to it.

I’m very sexually attracted to my bf irl

But I feel frustrated tha he won’t be sexual over the phone with me and whenever we rlly did it was one sided and I’ve told him about being frustrated that we don’t anymore and he just brushed it off and it hurt me to point of overthinking.

Anyway because of that I’ve stated watching porn again and feel guilty about it so to cope I drank alcohol to not feel so guilty about it but now it’s the ne

I’m so drunk I’m just mindlessly cutting myself till I hit a vein

I want to stop feeling so weak and dumb I test everyone and I’m so pathetic with emotions

I hope I bleed out till I die

I hate myself my body my personality I hate that people even decided to befriend me they deserve better I can’t weight till my suicide actually works maybe then I rebirth into something better and meaningfully I’m just a wasted soul

Just want to be drunk all the time or just die

When I’m drunk I just care less about everything, nothing is so serious, not as much heavy thoughts.

When I’m sober I’m constantly getting upset over every small change now, when routine changes with fav person etc.

Hate not living near friends or in city also because it gets so lonely fast.

I haven’t cut for a while but I know if I start drinking again I won’t care about the consequences of doing and I’ll cut too deep like last time.

And yes I can have talk with my parents about it or a friend but it only temporarily helps and then I’m back to how I was all over again.

Nothing good ever lasts and im just genuinely too weak to carry on