Me 29F was just a convenience to him???? And nothing else

I'm 29F and this happened over the last year. I really need an outside perspective because I'm still struggling to process it.

When I joined my company in February 2025, I was already in a relationship (let's call him S.. 26M). During my first few weeks, I met a colleague (let's call him Ashes...26M). We instantly connected. I developed a crush on him, but I never acted on it because I was already committed to someone else, and I felt even admitting my feelings would've been unfair.

In August, my relationship with S ended. It was a horrible breakup that completely shattered me. During that phase, I had a casual physical relationship with another colleague (S2... 23M). It was purely casual and we were both clear about that.

A month or so later, Ashes and I started talking more. We grabbed drinks after work one evening, got a little drunk, and he took me back to his place. We connected over music, our similar backgrounds, and eventually got intimate.

I stayed at his place for two nights. The first night we had sex, and both nights he cuddled me, was affectionate, and genuinely made me feel cared for. Since I'd already had a crush on him, my feelings only grew stronger.

We continued talking on WhatsApp and Snapchat for a while.

Then everything suddenly changed.

Around our Diwali office party, he became completely different. He stopped talking to me in the office, wouldn't even come near me during parties, and acted like I barely existed. Earlier we'd laugh, dance, and have conversations in public. Suddenly, nothing.

It messed with my head because I had absolutely no idea what had changed.

After weeks of overthinking, I finally decided to ask him directly.

I told him I wasn't looking for a serious relationship because I was still healing from my breakup, but I genuinely liked him and wanted clarity. More than anything, I just wanted to know where we stood.

He said he'd wanted to tell me the same thing but didn't have the courage.

I thought we'd at least cleared the air.

But things became even more confusing.

He would randomly call me late at night asking me to come over. We'd sleep together again, cuddle, talk normally, and everything would feel okay.

The very next day at work, he'd go back to ignoring me.

This happened multiple times over the next several months.

Eventually he told me, "You're not my type. I'm not looking for anything. We should just stay friends."

I accepted that. What I couldn't accept was how differently he treated me in public.I wasn't asking for a relationship anymore. I just wanted basic respect as a colleague.

Instead, he'd happily talk to every new girl in the office while acting like I didn't exist. It became so obvious that even other colleagues started noticing.

One day S2 came to me and said, "You were crying because of Ashes, right?"

I never told him anything.

He said everyone in the office could see how Ashes behaved around me and how much my confidence had changed because of it.

That honestly broke me

There were also multiple office parties where I'd see him enjoying himself with everyone else. Sometimes he'd only come talk to me when none of his friends were around. Once we'd stare at each other from across the room for almost 20-30 seconds, but neither of us said anything.

Then later that same night, he'd call me over again.

We'd end up sleeping together, he'd hug me, cuddle me, kiss me... and then the next day it would be back to pretending I didn't exist.

Looking back now, I feel like every time he felt lonely or wanted physical intimacy, he'd reach out to me. But emotionally and publicly, he wanted nothing to do with me.

The hardest part wasn't that he didn't want a relationship.

The hardest part was feeling disrespected.

All I ever asked him for was basic respect in the workplace. I never expected public affection or anything dramatic. Just don't make me feel invisible after everything we'd shared.

I still have feelings for him, even though I know he'll probably never feel the same.

P.S.- I just used Chatgpt to form my words better cos I'm not that great in English... All these feelings are genuine and came straight from me...